Thursday, 29 September 2016

The post that I cried whilst writing. An emotional one.


Its actually been a fair while since I brought you a little life update style post, and just sat and really told you about what has been going on recently in my life. I wanted to do this because I love reading these more personal posts of other bloggers and just reading about the goings on in their lives! So, we are approaching the back end of yet another year which is pretty darn scary. It is pretty terrifying thinking about how fast this past year has gone, but so much has happened and the thoughts that run through my head currently, are completely different to that of this time last year. 

I was going through a lot this time last year with friendships and did not really know what was going to happen with some of the most important people in my life. Some situations I found myself in, were causing me SO much upset and now I cannot quite believe how it is literally all irrelevant. Its quite strange actually how when you look back and think about how much you let something eat you up, how it suddenly means nothing anymore - all of that feeling is gone, the reminder of feeling that way has suddenly disappeared and you think to yourself, when did I stop caring? I really should remember that, because I am the kind of person who lets things eat me up and then gradually things always fade away and I am left trying to remember when exactly the point was that I stopped caring? There has been so many situations in my life which have caused me to feel this way, some small and some HUGE and life changing - but all of them have left me feeling the way I do today and thinking about how I suddenly must have woke up one day and felt ok? 




More to the point, this is not a reflective post in which I am going to sit here and think about sad things which have changed - I am actually really happy and super excited for the future! You may have heard that recently myself and Simon (my long term boyfriend) have recently moved to Chesterfield from Sheffield and yes, I know this is not a great distance at all but I cannot quite believe how much happier I am. I don't think its anything to do with the place actually, but I think its all to do with the environment. We have moved from a pokey one bedroom flat in the city centre (which don't get me wrong I loved at the time), to a 3 bedroomed, 3 storey house! And honestly I could not be happier. The place does not look cluttered, we have put our own stamp on it and made it our own, we have a garden and outdoor space to breath, I have some office space for all things blogging related and its just fantastic, I love it so much! Its actually brought back the old me, which I feel I lost a little bit living in our little flat in Sheffield. I don't know why this has happened but basically I feel like the person I was when we first moved out and into our flat together in Cardiff because it was new, fun, and exciting and I used to enjoy so much about that flat! When I wake up on a morning now, I feel like I want to accomplish things, get dressed, do some washing and cooking and baking, be productive on my blog and channel, IRON CLOTHES (this is a huge thing for me, because in our flat in Sheffield I had an ironing pile that did not budge for about 6 months), and when Simon comes in from work I find myself wanting to get his tea ready for him and I enjoy everything I fell out of love with again! I turned lazy when I lived in our last place, and I don't really know why - I would never cook, I would never iron, things always felt cluttered and untidy. I think its because now we are both back in work again (like we were in Cardiff), I feel so much more motivated about everything and feel like adults again! I am so head over heels in love with our new place, we have so much space that we don't trip over each other anymore. We have made every single room look exactly how we want it and it looks so nice and clean, I just love it so much! I have a brand new filming set up which I love, and in turn this is going to hopefully have a positive effect on my blogging and youtube videos because I think it looks so much better than me sitting against a wall in my living room because its the only decent space I could find to film! I will be filming a home tour when I have it exactly how I want it, so please keep watching for that if you are intrigued to see what our new place looks like! 




I guess this brings me on to the next important topic I want to talk to you about, and that is my career. As you guys know, I am a qualified nurse and have been now for 2 years SCARY! I work in Intensive Care and have done for over a year, which is also pretty scary because its gone SO FAST!! But, I absolutely love it and cannot ever imagine myself working within another field of nursing - Intensive care is the only thing for me right now. I love the way it makes my brain tick all of the time, and I love going to a work and thinking 'I really do love my job!' I am forever learning, forever meeting new people and progressing and I just love everything about it. However, now I am at the stage where I am working towards the next step of my career which is currently in the pipeline as long as I put the work in to get there. I am not a slacker, never have been and never will be and I always put the work in with the intention of getting to the next step when I am told! And usually it works for me, I put the work in and get where I need to be - and I have never (until this date) not done enough to get me through. So basically, what I am talking about is that I am currently working towards starting my Masters degree in Critical Care Nursing in February 2017 - a pretty scary thought how quickly this has come about but I am so excited to hopefully get started on this next chapter of my career. I did have a little thought a while back and became quite worried as 10 months into my Nursing career I had already got my dream job as an intensive care nurse and it suddenly dawned on me, 'what next?' Now I can actually say that I know what is next, and fingers crossed I am going to be at that stage super soon. I need to get 70-90% of my competencies done before the end of October to enable me a place to get on the course at University but I have been working my bum off to do it so fingers crossed I am almost there! I know I am going to be so so busy over the next few months/year if I start this course, but I know it will all be worth it and do not worry, my blog will NOT suffer because of it, I have the full intention of keeping everything as normal as possible over here!



This brings me on to talking about my blog in general! My baby, and my favourite hobby in the whole entire world. Sometimes I feel like I commit to so much that its more like a job than a hobby, but one that I definitely enjoy! It's a hobby because I don't actually earn anything from it, other than pure enjoyment! I am at that point in my blogging life where I am thinking.. Do I want to change my blog name? How do I reach more people with my content? How do I grow my youtube channel? How do I better my content? Should I hire a photographer for fashion posts? All of these questions are frequently entering my brain, and I have not yet come up with the answer to any.. other than the fact my blog name for now, is staying exactly the same. Its getting to that exciting time of year when all of the Christmas events start popping up and the invitations start coming out, and I absolutely love it! Everything goes a little bit stagnent over the Summer and thats all well and good for the amazing and 'big bloggers' who get to travel the world and post all about it on their social media for us all to swoon over, but for me - Summer makes me miss all of the blogger social events! I have a couple of exciting events coming up over the next few months and fingers crossed there will be more to add to the list! I think the next step for me, is maybe to give my blog a little bit of a freshen up and I am also considering swapping over to wordpress, is this something any of you have done, go from blogger to wordpress? How did you find the process? I also think I want to get a professional, or even just a really good photographer to take some fashion photographs for me for my blog, so if you know anyone in the Sheffield or Chesterfield area who can do this for me for a reasonable price or even free of charge, then please do let me know!! All in all though, I am still seriously loving blogging and that has never changed for one moment! I really hope you are all still loving my content too, my blog stats and all of that malarky appear to be pretty good right now, and I only have all of you to thank for that! So thank you so much for continually coming back and reading my posts, it means so much!! 

It cannot believe how many amazing people I have met through my blog and youtube. I have met some of my current best friends, and some amazing people along the way. Friends who I can go to to ask anything about blogging and social media. Friends who offer advice freely, don't hold anything back because they are worried about giving away useful information to someone else. We all have each others backs and want to see each other do well! People who are genuine like this, are people I feel completely ok with offering my ideas and advice too! Because I know they are not going to run with an idea that they know works for me, and use it to better themselves whilst thieving my ideas and backstabbing in the process. I have a massive issue with people who copy my ideas so I am super careful with what I say now, and who I say it too - but the people who I do tell my ideas too, I know that when I tell them they will offer advice on how to better the idea and help ME along the way with MY idea.. not use it and try to do it better! Its just so amazing to meet people who have a mutual interest and you can talk to confidently about anything to do with the subject! I feel like every single week I make a new friend in this industry and I really do love it, and it has made me so many more friends than I could ever have imagined! I have been blogging for over 2 years now, and in that time have made friends dotted all over the UK including lots from Sheffield who I have become super close too, some from down South and London in particular and its just amazing to think that I would never have met these people if it wasn't for my blog! I LOVE IT! 




It is honestly just super refreshing to know that everyone in your life has a purpose, and it is not because you are stuck with them like you would be if you were at school, college or university - the people in your life are there because you want them and I love it! Recently I have also found the inner strength to have a massive 'clear out' of my social media, mainly being facebook. And this is because I had a recent conversation with my Aunty who I would consider to be one of my role models because I look up to her in so many ways and her thoughts and opinions on things really do inspire me to make changes in order to make myself happy. We were having a recent conversation about University and about how unhappy it made me, how I feel like I made zero friends when I was there and how I now speak to absolutely nobody anymore, and following this she simply told me to 'delete them' off facebook. Lets be honest, Facebook is the one place on the internet where when you get deleted you know that your friendship/relationship is pretty final, because we have everyone and their dog as a friend on there. I took her advice one day and plucked up the courage to finally go through my whole friends list and delete so many people who I either do not speak to anymore, are toxic to me, are absolutely nothing to do with me anymore, who I don't get along with or people who are only really there to spy on what you are doing. I reduced my friends list by about 100 and OH MY DAYS it felt so so good. I got rid of so many people and I immediately felt a million times better for it! I had people on my facebook friends list out of principle of seeing them every single day, or because they were from the same town as me - but considering I owe some of these people absolutely nothing for one reason or another, I decided to hit that delete button and off they went! I feel like this was the right thing for me to do at this point in my life as I have had a lot of trouble with certain individuals either recently, or a while back and now I have just decided that I do not want these people on my social media anymore. It is quite a big statement to make in this day and age, deleting someone off social media. Its like saying that you are done with someone and goodbye effectively - but in this case, I am done with the people who have been deleted and I am really happy about the choices I made to do this! 

I have genuinely got so much exciting stuff coming up over the next few months, and even over the next year really and all of the little gaps in my schedule are starting to get filled up with super exciting things such as holidays, events, opportunities, weekends away etc. Obviously I will be vlogging and blogging about each and every single thing I do which is exciting as I love nothing more than showing you all what I am doing, and in particular the things which I am loving at the present time! So now is just a little sneak peak in to some of the things you can expect to see over the next year or so... some incredible events in Sheffield, Stoke & London, some spa days, New York City trip for my 8 year anniversary with my love, London weekend, Christmas and the festivities in general, a little trip to Krakow in February, A Mediterranean cruise in July involving visiting SO MANY incredible places I have never been to before, and also Ibiza with my friends next Summer. Now lets be honest, its only October and this is the list of plans I have so far, it can only get better right? I have such a good feeling for the next year and I know good things are to come! I can't wait to film and photograph everything for you all too, and create some incredible content from it all! In life I really do feel like I have one regret and that is that I wished I travelled a lot more when I was going through University and visited more places within Europe and further afield. However, I didn't and so now, I am trying to do as much as possible and sharing it all with the most important people in my life. I would love nothing more than to expand my blog and youtube channel content to travel, showing you all incredible places across the globe and recommending places to visit, eat and see! The annoyance is that I just have to let my bank balance and annual leave allowance approve of it! But, watch this space because lots more travel related posts WILL be coming your way so soon! 

This leads me on to talking about my recent travels and holidays with my amazing family to Lanzarote in the Summer. I personally had the most amazing time, and really do feel blessed to have such a kind, generous and fun family! I will never ever take my time with my family for granted, it means everything to me which is why I openly choose to travel home to Durham whenever I have free time and spend my time with them! As far as I am concerned, my ties with my family will never be cut and nothing will ever change the bond and relationship that I have with my Mum. She is literally my world and she has been the most important person in my life for as long as I can remember! Same goes for my brothers really, we have been through so much together over the years but we have gotten to this amazing place of really enjoying each others company, and genuinely just love spending time together. Lanzarote and a huge family holiday made me realise so much. Its given me my little brother Jake back, who we lost to the Xbox and his friends for a few years - I learnt how I really love the person he has grown into, how he is really funny and how similar we are as people! I also realised how much has changed since going on my holidays, but mainly what I feel like I got out of it most is a reminder of my incredible friendship with my best friend Zoe, how amazing my boyfriend Simon is and how I am so proud with how well he just slots into my family, and how much I truly love and appreciate my Mum and Gary because they are SO amazing and would do absolutely anything for us all! I will never ever give up on having these kinds of times with my family, it is so important to spend time with family and make memories together and this is never something which will EVER be shadowed. 




And there we have it, a little update of all things going on in my life right now. Pretty much all of the thoughts have just been spilled out onto this document, everything I am currently feeling, thinking or looking forward to. You all know it now too! You also all know what to expect of the next year so far, I am so excited to share everything with you and I have such a good feeling about the next year that goodness knows what is going to happen! I really hope you all continue to stick around, reading my posts, watching my videos, endless rambling snapchat stories, liking my tweets and instagram posts - because I really do want this journey to continue and I really do aspire to see my blog grow and grow! 

I love you all very much for continuing to read these kind of posts and I promise things are only going to get better! 

Much Love

Lauren
x


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