Tuesday, 5 July 2016

"Give Them An Inch & They Will Take A Mile"


Its really sad that sometimes you have to learn a lesson the hard way, and to be honest it always seems to be the case for me. I wanted to write a post like this because I guess I don't want people to make the same mistakes that I have and I guess if people read this and are starting to get themselves in similar predicaments then this is your friendly reminder to think before you make your next move. So, the quote I have decided to use here is 'Give them an inch and they'll take a mile' - this is because it pretty much sums up so many situations that I have been crushed by in the past few years, and not so many in the recent months as I am learning to not let it get this far. I want to just sum up some scenarios and tell you what I learnt from it, and if you too find yourselves in a similar situation then you may well know what to do before it gets a little bit too far and the situation possibly hurts you too? 

Be careful what you tell people. This is literally one of my ultimate life tips now and definitely something I have learned to not do anymore. If you don't want someone to use what you say against you, then simply just do not tell them anything. It seems pretty simple and almost pointless to write? but honestly this is actually harder than it seems sometimes. Especially when people have no fear of hurting you with their words and sometimes all you find yourself doing is sitting there and wanting to blurt out loads of things to try get one up on them. Or, quite the opposite where you just find yourself sitting there and that person just keeps on chipping away, trying to rub your nose in something or hurt you and you have to sit there all quiet and like you aren't bothered? Both of these options are super hard but honestly its so much better for you in the long term to sit and say nothing, than feed them with information that they can use against you in the future. I have experienced this in so many ways, in the past I have had to sit and bite my tongue when negative comments have been thrown my way saying I basically do not deserve some of the praise I get, and basically just generally offensive comments - or the opposite which is when someone is sitting in front of you bragging away and trying to make you jealous and wind you up on purpose with all of the perks they have in life, items they have been bought, how much money they have got etc. It is literally so difficult sometimes to just sit and say nothing when all forms of this kind of conversation wind you up - but honestly it will save you future aggravation by just sitting and 'listening' to what they are saying. Even if they are offending you - and believe me, I take offensive comments on a regular basis which I am forced to just sit back and 'accept'. 

As I get older, I am still continuing to learn all about what I should and should not say to certain people. Since the age of about 12 I have learnt to keep my mouth shut because it benefits me so much more than bragging about anything - so because this has been drilled into my head for so long now, its like second nature to me to not go around boasting about things - and to be honest with you this is a very unattractive trait to me. Its quite sad really though, because sometimes even when good things happen - like really positive things I feel I can't say anything because this is the way I have learnt to act. In general I am so happy with my job, life and blog and as a whole things do seem to go steadily ok, but I have got to the point (particularly with my blog) that I can't express how happy I am with it because it gets used against me at some point. Its a shame. However, it benefits me so so much to keep my mouth shut about everything - my ideas, my thoughts, my friends, opportunities are all kept very much to myself (apart from maybe telling my Mum & boyfriend). I am extremely protective of my creativity and my ideas and quite frankly have always had a problem with copying or replication - this is a long standing issue I have had throughout my childhood and the problem does seem to bounce from one person to the next. So, in summary really - to round up the point of being careful what you tell people - it benefits me so much more to not say anything whatsoever and I feel happier as a whole for just keeping myself to myself! So therefore, the advice I offer here is to never say anything, even when you are feeling wound up and like saying something will shut someone up, it won't - just have a little chuckle to yourself and 'listen' to what they have to say without offering any of your own information! 



Be selective with who you trust. I am the kind of girl who seems to fall head over heels for someone as a friend if I get the smallest good feeling about them to begin with. Meaning that, If I get on with someone straight away I want them to be my best friend HA. Sometimes this has worked in my favour and I have gelled with the right people and we have become amazing friends, but other times I have let them in, get involved with everything and believe everything that they tell me and then suddenly find myself feeling extremely hurt when they break my trust. I sometimes find myself very vulnerable in this sense, because I am so naive and willing to give anybody a chance and will give everybody the benefit of the doubt in that I believe everything that someone says and do trust them from the off, BUT when someone lies to me, hurts me, breaks my trust, steps on my toes - you have pretty much lost me. I have said this a million times but I quite frankly had the worst year for being hurt in 2015, I got metaphorically punched in the gut so many times by people who I cared about - and in a nutshell, they are not involved with my life whatsoever anymore. I have learnt that just because someone likes the idea of being your friend, does not mean that they won't take any opportunity to hurt you that they can get - they will! I have had my words twisted, nasty comments written about me on social media, being excluded deliberately - and the reason it hurts me so much is because all of these things came in my direction from people who I cared so much about. 2015 taught me who I can trust and I lost a few people, but completely realised who I want and need in life. 

In the sense of being selective who you trust, also bare in mind what you are saying, and who you are saying it to. If you tell someone something, just stop and think 'will this person run with this comment and use it against you?', 'will this be used to create a negative impression?', 'who, if anyone will this person tell what you are saying to?'. This does not need to be about negative comments, I am not promoting backstabbing and bitchiness - in fact I am actually talking about anything, ideas and positives included. For example, if you talk to someone about an idea you have, are they going to imitate you and use it first? Keep your ideas to yourself, and you won't then get hurt when someone pinches your idea and uses it first or buys the dress you were talking about, etc. It could be related to anything. I am very selective with who I trust, those who I do tell things to - I have sussed that they won't say anything to people who will run with it. All I am saying is, keep your cards close to your chest - it will make you happier in the long run, as well as not leave you broken and upset when you thought you could trust them and they have broken your trust for one reason or another. 


Not everyone wants to help you. Unfortunately I have learnt this one the hard way and have had to face a few difficult situations where someone has deliberately tread on my toes to try and compete with something I have done, written or achieved and instead of being proud as a friend, they have jumped on it and thought they could do the same if not better? I offer nothing to these kind of people anymore. I am completely down for helping anybody as long as there is a mutual offering brought to the table or even just gratitude for what you have done. I have met so many incredible people through my blog, some amazing friends who I will name right now (Aimee Hughes, Hannah from The Sheffielder, Talisa from Talisa Tells, Helen from The Midnight City) and we chat none stop about blog related things, offering advice and supporting each other - and it is genuinely just the nicest situation because we have that mutual understanding of each others blogs and its just so nice to share with such a lovely bunch of people. I don't personally feel like I need support to get through my day and to do things like my blog and my job, but its just nice sometimes to look around you and see that people are routing for you and enjoying the advice you have and what you individually bring to the table - and it is no way to to tread on your toes and use it for their own benefits! It is super light hearted. I LOVE this aspect of it, but its also made me realise that some people will do anything they can to make things into a form of competition and that is not what I do it for. 

All I am saying is, if you don't want to be hurt by people who have no respect for the way that the things they do make you feel, then offer nothing to them. I sometimes wish people could just see the wrong in their ways - I don't hold back on offering advice to people and I never have done but when people just take the opportunities you are the happiest with from underneath your feet, I am not ok with that. To me its not flattering, and I would rather just sway away from that kind of vibe. So, in summary of this help the people who help you, and support the people who support you - do not offer anything unless it will either benefit you back or there is some form of appreciation involved. 


I feel so passionately about the issues above, I have been through so much rubbish and negativity in the last year to feel like I have enough of a leg to stand on to offer advice to anybody else who struggles with similar issues. As a female I do think that somewhere down the line we all go through these kind of problems but I just wanted to put this post together because it really is something which can get me down and has made me feel so low in the past that I have let it affect me in so many ways. I would never want anybody to feel like that. 

On the other side of the spectrum I am not for one second saying you should not trust anybody, should not help anybody etc - but if you have been burnt by someone once then the chances are that it will happen again. Yes, trust people and offer help and advice and be supportive of what they are doing, but all I am saying is people will never learn the mistakes in their ways if you continue to feed the issue in hand. All I am saying is, learn who you can trust and who you can't and in turn this will save you so much hurt its quite unbelievable. 

I have really missed doing my lifestyle advice kind of posts, and despite the fact that they are not always positive, I do think its really good to read these kind of things so that if you are going through something similar then you may benefit from reading some of the tips provided. I personally know I LOVE heading over to some of my favourite bloggers pages and reading their advice posts, I feel reassured and not alone when I read posts which reflect similar situations I am personally going through and to me I feel supported knowing I can head over their and read the advice that they provide. I hope you all love reading these kind of posts too and I am sorry its taken me so long to bring you one like this! If you have any other tips for someone going through something similar and feeling as though people just take and never give back, then leave them in the comments below for all to see! I would love to personally read them myself too!! 

Don't forget to head over to my twitter and leave me any questions for my next Q&A video which is about all things nursing again!! Click here and head over and don't forget to click that little follow button, as well as subscribing to my channel by clicking here!!

Much Love

Stay Happy

Lauren
x

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2 comments

  1. You got this girl. You don't need negative people or thoughts in your life. True friends and family will support you always! Xxx

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  2. Love this post lady! I can totally relate to so many of these issues that you have raised! As we grow up it is so important to recognise the most important people in your life. You deserve nothing but happiness.

    Lots of love xx

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