Sunday, 7 February 2016

Overcoming Being Nervous About Blogging


I will be honest, when I first started my blog I kept it under very close wraps... I obviously made separate social medias, did not tell my friends or family for fear of them not understanding or judging me, and to be honest I just kept the whole thing really quiet. I was not embarrassed of blogging or being a blogger in general, in fact at first I didn't really understand what being a blogger really was - it was just that fear of people not understanding what it was that I was trying to do. I still sometimes think people don't understand what it is, even though social media is such a huge phenomenon now and social influencers are pretty much everywhere! I see the odd comment every now and then like, "people thinking that they're a blogger because they post a few photos on instagram" or just a really generalised comment basically putting all bloggers into the same box and assuming that all everybody ever talks about it make up, takes selfies, and gets sent free stuff. Well, the reality of this is that yes, most of us probably do love make up, yes we take selfies (but so does everybody) but it really is not about this at all - and I can categorically say that this is not the reason why anybody starts a blog (and if it is, then it is done for the wrong reasons).  


I have mentioned my reasons for blogging in the past, and the reason I started really stemmed from the fact I craved expressing my creative side again! Another reason is because I just moved 7 hours away to Wales, away from my family & friends and I had about 6 weeks to kill before starting my first job as a Registered Nurse. My blog really became a space for me to express my opinions, talk about the way I was feeling and really it was just a huge distraction from being slightly home sick. Another reason I started my blog, and also a valid reason for me being nervous about ever telling anybody about it was because of the kind of reaction I used to receive from certain individuals about my photos on my personal instagram and other profiles. I only ever seemed to get really negative or back handed comments made to me about what I posted, and about selfies and it really knocked my confidence to the point where I would be so anxious about ever posting any picture. I needed a space which was free from the people who made those comments, and a place where I was not 'pushing' anybody to look at my photos unless they chose to follow me. Its not like a personal instagram profile where people feel obliged to follow you because they know you, instead people make a concious choice to choose to follow your feed and look at your photos. It was kind of sad really that I could not express myself on my own instagram because of the comments I was receiving from certain individuals, who to be honest had absolutely no right to ever comment on anything to do with me. They did not know me, I did not feel confident around them which is why I could never be myself to their faces & maybe that's why my confident self on the internet never really matched up to the way I was when I was actually with them. I have gone over and over the scenario in my head for why they made me feel so uncomfortable, and that reason is because I just did not feel confident at all around them.. because of the nature of the comments. 

I had lived my entire child and teenage years with the same group of friends, in the same town, I never branched out and went to a separate college and therefore went to the sixth form college with my friends who I had known all my life - I was very comfortable and everybody was familiar and so therefore when I went to University and found people didn't really get me, I really struggled to accept that people thought it was acceptable to make the comments that they did. This is what gave me the incentive to create something completely separate from it all, free from judgement of the people I saw every single day. 

Gradually I decided I would start 'letting people find' my blog and my instagram, I didn't want to tell people as such because I was quite embarrassed about it, so therefore I just let people who know me, follow me and left it at that. About a year ago I started to really find some confidence and it made me start my Youtube channel, I was making videos regularly and granted, although they were not very good I still really enjoyed it! I guess life involves getting knocked down, but then getting back up again and bettering yourself, ignoring the insensitive comments people make but sometimes its just so difficult to ignore it, especially when its people you know. Basically, I was then massively knocked by some comments I noticed on my personal social media accounts from people I didn't even realise followed me. Yes, I was not tagged in the comments and they did not say my name but they mocked what I said word for word to eachother in a Twitter conversation, and when I read it I just felt completely shattered and gutted that people felt it was ok to write comments like this, which were downright bullying really. This made me delete my youtube channel and my videos, and also block them from seeing anything to do with my blogging life - and still to this day they are blocked. These kind of things are the reason why I am not surprised I felt so nervous about ever making my blog public to people I know. Its not the comments from strangers I care about, its the comments from people who I have been involved with or know. 

I don't really know at what point I suddenly started getting my mojo back and felt the confidence slowly building up again. It just did. Granted, its still not there 100% right now, there is still certain people who I would prefer to keep my blog and youtube private from but if they found out, I would never deny it. Its a scary thing at times, blogging - you literally lay your cards on the table, let people know all your thoughts and feelings, you take selfie after selfie which makes you look as if you have no anxieties about the way you look (even though you do), and people tend to think you have this perception of yourself like you are above others. Even though you don't. What sometimes terrifies me about people I know finding out I blog is that it will become negative chat between people. I know it must happen, which I hate to think about but I guess because it is kind of out of the ordinary to air everything and anything on the internet, people may find this as a weakness and a topic of conversation. All I want people to know is that my blog is a happy place, I am not doing any of it to be better than anybody, I do it because I want to share my opinion or love of something, or better myself in some way - remember that blogging can definitely be seen as reflection, especially the lifestyle aspects of it where you can look back on situations and critique yourself - its really therapeutic. 

I guess some people would deem youtube to be 'immature' but I completely disagree, its a hobby, I am not hurting anybody when I am talking about make up looks or fashion - so what is the problem, and why should I feel nervous about letting people see this side of me?
This is when I have come to realise recently that if people want to be negative, let them. At the end of the day it might not be that they don't like me or what I am doing, it might just be a misunderstanding of what I am trying to achieve or project by blogging. Its all about stigma really, people have this impression that blogging is a way of showing off, but its not. Honestly. So, now instead of letting my stomach drop with nerves when I see someone I know has followed me, I have now traded that feeling for a kind of grateful one. At the end of the day, if you click that follow button then you actively want to watch what I post on your feed, you are doing me a favour by letting me know that you enjoy what I post and I don't see it as a negative like I used to, thinking that people followed me to spy. Well, my profile is public and lets be honest you don't need to follow me to spy or laugh. 

I am my most confident, happy and completely in my element when I am blogging. I appreciate every single like, follow, comment, email, thumbs up you all give me and I focus on this now - this is what makes me not nervous about my blog any more! So yeah, there's a stigma but unless you take your time to read what I write, then you will learn what blogging really is and how its basically a personal journey for each and every single one of us. 


So, if you are reading this and either feel nervous about letting anyone know about your blog, or even reading this and debating starting a blog, I would say do it and don't think about anything but the benefits it can bring to you. If people choose to laugh and mock, ask yourself why these select people are doing this? Jealousy, boredom or just generally not very nice people. You all know I love a good quote, so here.. I have got a good one for you - 

"Some people say rude things, not because they mean it, but because they see you doing something, and they see themselves doing nothing, doing less than you, and that creates an insecurity, so, they say things in an attempt to make YOU feel insecure too, and they pray that that insecurity makes you feel less confident, and they pray that that lack of confidence makes you stop doing what you're doing, and they pray that you'll eventually be nothing, and do nothing, just like them. Because then, you're no longer a threat"


What I have figured out is that people talk about things when something is out of the norm, blogging is kind of a new age thing lets be honest - well social media is in general really. So some people just do not understand it, but also won't let themselves understand it. My advice to anyone who makes negative remarks about a blogger 'blogging' would be - Don't bother, we love what we do, we are happy and stop wasting your time verbally bashing what we do. 

As you get older one of the most important things you realise in life, contrary to what adults tell you when you are little, is that people don't always agree and get on. This is something that is unavoidable in life because of this you should never fear what other people think of you because there is no way you can or will please everybody that you cross paths with.

I hope in some ways I have helped some of you out who feel nervous about exposure of blogging. It's ok to feel nervous and dubious about it, its scary.. but just remember what you are doing is your hobby, ignore what other people think or say - focus on the positivity and your own passion for doing it! That is what I do now anyway!

Much love as always, 

Lauren
x

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3 comments

  1. I'm so glad I just stumbled across your blog and read this! :-) I started my blog in December and I've only just told a couple of close friends. I know the word will get out there eventually though! And I know some negative comments will come my way too (unfortunately!).

    So thank you for sharing your experience!

    Sophie x
    www.whengirlmeetsglitter.blogspot.co.uk

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  2. I just started blogged and this is exactly what I needed to read. I have an anxiety disorder and my anxiety has been through the roof these last few days because I am SO scared about what people will think of what I'm doing.

    You're completely right, it's not the strangers that scare me, it's the people that I know. Your post really helped me own what I am doing and be confident in my choices.

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  3. I have been going back and forth whether to give my blog a go. This post was excellent! I want to blog as a creative outlet. It's something for me. But the idea of being judged is unnerving. I like your tactic of not telling people you know about. It takes some pressure. Thanks!

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